he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
