Where is the hickey?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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