i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
