I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
