you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize