And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Randomize
