I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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