please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize