thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Best friends brother. Beat that.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
