and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
