He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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