i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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