When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
