i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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