I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
