are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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