Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I've blown a few things in my day
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
