there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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