I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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