What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
