well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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