they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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