weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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