Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
