how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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