he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
