so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
