did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
