He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
