You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I would ride that face into the sunset
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
