So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
