I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
