i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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