she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
