before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
