Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
