We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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