she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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