Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
