how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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