so that wasnt chicken after all
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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