that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
