Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
