I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
