the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
