the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize