Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
