Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
