I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
