i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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