Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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