I wish my penis had an off switch
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
