I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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