I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
