Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
