No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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