rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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