Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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