It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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