'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize