Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
