well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
