babies were throwing up all over the place
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
