You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
