I want to have your abortion
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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