omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Oh god it's open bar.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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