what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
