Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I CAN MOONWALK!
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
