Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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