Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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