are you still at the devil's house?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
