I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I've blown a few things in my day
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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