She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My vagina just recognized that song.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
