i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
